Learn How To Say NO
Do you feel like to put your foot down and sometimes say no? Most of us would rather agree to every request and would rather change a lot of jobs than refuse to help even though we may be tired or we may not have that much time. But learning to say no can help you respect yourself as well as earn respect from those around you.
So why do most of the people still say yes? In most cases, we believe that saying no is uncaring, selfish and we even have the fear of letting the others down. On top of this, there is a fear of being unliked, criticized and risking a friendship.
But interestingly saying no is linked to the self-confidence. People with low self-confidence and self-esteem are often nervous while antagonizing others and thus tend to rate other’s needs more highly than their own.
Perhaps overbearing parents or Parenthood has encouraged this tendency. Women, in particular, are known to fall into the trap. These childhood influences are the main reasons for the formation of belief such as “if I am lovable if I am complaint and helpful”. If you feel that you have become a people pleaser, your self worth might be reduced and it may only depend on the happiness of the people around you and thus you might stop doing things that make you feel happy. Thus a vicious cycle is developed where the people expect you to be there around them every time and comply with their wishes.
Being unable to say no can make you feel exhausted, stressed and irritable. It would harm your efforts in improving the quality of your life as you would be spending as worrying about how to get rid of the already promised commitment.
Some of the top tips for saying no has been mentioned below. Carefully go through them and this would help you assess the situation.
- Keep your response simple
If you wish to say no, be firm and direct. Use phrases like “I appreciate you coming to me but I am afraid I can’t help you at this time” or “I am sorry I can’t help you this evening”. Try to have a strong body language and don’t over apologize. Remember you do not need permission to say no.
- Buy yourself some extra time
You can interrupt the ‘yes’ cycle by using phrases like “I’ll get back to you later” and then consider all the necessary options. Having enough time to think about it, you will be able to say no with much more confidence.
- Consider a compromise
Only go for compromise if you want to agree with the request but you need more time to understand the situation or the task. Avoid compromising if you want to say no.
- Separate refusal from rejection
Always remember that you are turning down the request and not the person. People usually will understand that you have the right to say no just as they have the right to ask for a favour.
- Don’t feel guilty to say no to your children
Children need to hear no from time to time so that they can develop a sense of the boundary and self-control. Rather than giving up to their protests, let them know who has the right to set boundaries.
- Be true to yourself
Always have a clear and honest thought with yourself of what you truly want. Get to know yourself better and examine what you want from your life.